The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
