Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm getting married
To pizza
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
