my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there was a trapeze. enough said
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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