We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
