you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
