I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
