I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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