the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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