I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
