I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's official drugs can't kill me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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