He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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