My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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