I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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