I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
