every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
