I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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