Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I need to stop coming to work sober
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
