life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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