you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
don't judge my taste in strippers
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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