I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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