The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
