Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
