If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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