I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
