no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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