It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she looked like the before picture.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
