..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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