Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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