I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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