do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
