so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
