my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So much Jack, so little girl.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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