When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
