Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
dude. I can hear the air.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
