How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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