my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
