remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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