Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
