I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
