she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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