Jerry, you need to find god
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
