You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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