just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
