my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
