Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
