Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
