fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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