its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
