Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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