It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
