and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
